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Q: What should I do if I am uncertain of what others expect from me?
A: There are four things you should do, i.e.,
1. You Must Make Expectations Clear.
Do:
Reveal and disclose expectations.
Examine and confirm expectations.
If feasible and necessary, renegotiate expectations.
Don't:
Go against expectations. Break what people expect.
Assume that everyone has the same or clear expectations.
Guessing. Pretending you know for sure what a person expects.
Leave expectations open-ended or ambiguous.
Not establishing the needed details (i.e., what the expected results, deadlines, and required resources) that make the expectation real.
Failing to write down the expectations. Relying on situational expectations, which can change based on memory, interpretation, understanding, or recent incident.
Do something unrelated to the expectation, then adjust the expectation based on the outcome of the unrelated action.
Say:
Exactly what do you want me to give you? How soon?
How do you know if you've been successful? How will we know if we've done our job?
What do we care about the most: speed, quality, or cost?
What resources do you need to make this happen?
What will we do next, and when?
How and when will we follow up?
What do you think you've understood from this talk?
Does anyone else need to know this?
What do you think you should do next?
What do you think I should do next?
Things are different now. We should look over what we expect...
2. You Must Listen Hard.
Do:
Pay attention.
Listen before you talk.
Know and figure out what's wrong.
Use your ears, eyes, and heart to listen.
Find out what the people you work with think are the most important things you can do.
Don't:
Talk first, then listen.
Not listen at all.
Think you know what's most important to other people.
Think you know everything or have all the answers.
Listening but not getting it.
Listening only to figure out what to say next.
Only caring about your own plans.
Pretending to listen.
Say:
What I think I hear you say is...
Let me make sure I understand what you're trying to say...
Let's figure out what the group is trying to say...
Is there anything else you would like to say?
You feel [[unhappy, energized, annoyed, discouraged, baffled, spiteful, angry, confused, surprised, unsure, excited, etc.]] about the [[content, topic, or meaning of what is being said]].
First, I want to understand your point of view, and then I'll explain mine.
3. You Must Promote Openness.
Do:
Be truthful in a manner that others can confirm for themselves.
State your intention.
Be sincere and honest.
Be honest and upfront.
Over-disclose everything if possible.
Be honest when you can't be transparent (for example, when the law or ethical standards forbid it).
Work under the guiding principle "what you see is what you get."
Don't:
Withhold knowledge, conceal it, cover it up, or obscure it.
Possessing hidden motives, secret intentions, or hidden goals.
Impersonating others and making things seem different from how they really are.
Pretending.
Appearing, as opposed to being.
Say:
My goal is...
My plan is...
I'm going to be honest and open about this.
This is who we are as a team...
What I want to happen is...
Here are the truths...
Here are the facts...
In case you disagree with me...
This is all I can say because of law and compliance issues...
Right now, things aren't going well.
4. You Must Take Accountability.
Do:
Take responsibility for your actions. Be the first one to hold yourself accountable.
Own the results, whether they are good or bad.
Hold others accountable only after you hold yourself accountable.
Figure out how you will communicate how you are doing and how others are doing.
Don't:
Refusing to accept accountability or fess up. Avoid or abdicate accountability, as in, it's not my fault.
When anything goes wrong, accuse someone else or point the finger, such as "It's his fault, it's her fault, or it's their fault."
Not holding people accountable when expectations are not reached.
Say:
Here's what I did...
I am responsible for…
Please come back and let me know how you're doing by...
How will we make ourselves responsible?
What will happen if we don't follow through?
How and when will we check in to see how things are going?
Here's what you can expect.
How did we do?
I thought we would finish this by [[due date]]...
I'll be accountable for that.
Don't blame the team, blame me.
Did we get the results we were supposed to?
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