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Q: What should I do if I lack confidence in a colleague?
A: There are four things you should do, i.e.,
1. You Must Be Honest and Straight.
Do:
Be truthful. Tell the reality.
Be clear about your position.
Talk in plain words. Call things as they are.
Display integrity.
Don't:
Lie. Deceive.
Alter the truth. Withholding details. Influence people.
Use business jargon, avoidance tactics, double-talk, and flattery.
Twisting the truth (manipulating, positioning, and posing).
Create false impressions (by stating the facts, but in a misleading way).
Say:
This is how I see things...
This is something I really care about...
Here's what I think we should do...
As far as I can tell, these are the facts...
From my point of view...
I value our relationship and want to be honest with you...
I want to be candid with you...
Let me tell you what I've observed...
Here's what I've learned/understood...
2. You Must Make Expectations Clear.
Do:
Reveal and disclose expectations.
Examine and confirm expectations.
If feasible and necessary, renegotiate expectations.
Don't:
Go against expectations. Break what people expect.
Assume that everyone has the same or clear expectations.
Guessing. Pretending you know for sure what a person expects.
Leave expectations open-ended or ambiguous.
Not establishing the needed details (i.e., what the expected results, deadlines, and required resources) that make the expectation real.
Failing to write down the expectations. Relying on situational expectations, which can change based on memory, interpretation, understanding, or recent incident.
Do something unrelated to the expectation, then adjust the expectation based on the outcome of the unrelated action.
Say:
Exactly what do you want me to give you? How soon?
How do you know if you've been successful? How will we know if we've done our job?
What do we care about the most: speed, quality, or cost?
What resources do you need to make this happen?
What will we do next, and when?
How and when will we follow up?
What do you think you've understood from this talk?
Does anyone else need to know this?
What do you think you should do next?
What do you think I should do next?
Things are different now. We should look over what we expect...
3. You Must Protect Others.
Do:
Give other people credit.
Talk about people as if they were in the room with you.
Speak up for people who can't speak for themselves.
If you have to talk about others, make sure your intent is clear and justified.
Kill gossip immediately.
Don't:
Let people down / betray people.
Having two faces: it looks like you're giving credit to other people when they're there, but when they're not, you downplay their role and take the credit yourself.
Talking nicely to people in front of them but saying bad things about them behind their backs.
Gossiping. Share private information about other people.
Say:
I'd like to thank [[name]] for this achievement.
You did a great job. I'll make sure that [[name]] knows about it.
Thank you so much for your great help.
When this person is here, we should talk about this.
I'd rather talk to her face-to-face than talk about her.
How should we talk to this person about what's going on?
What is in this person's best interest?
It sounds like you need to talk straight to [[name]].
4. You Must Know How to Trust.
Do:
Show that you are likely to trust.
Give a lot of trust to the people who have earned it.
Give your trust to people who are working hard to earn it.
Learn how to give others smart-trust based on the situation, the risk, and how trustworthy they are.
Don't:
Not trusting because it's risky.
Pretending to trust someone.
Letting people take on responsibilities without giving them the authority or resources.
Act like you trust someone but then control and hover over them.
Say:
What does the circumstance call for?
What could go wrong?
What do I think about giving this person my trust?
Does he or she have the right traits and skills?
I believe in you.
I have faith in you.
I trust you because of what you've done in the past.
I'm here for you.
We can talk about this whenever you want.
What worries me is...
We are counting on you.
I know you can do this.
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