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Q: What should I do if people around me begin to gossip about someone else?
A: There are four things you should do, i.e.,
1. You Must Protect Others.
Do:
Give other people credit.
Talk about people as if they were in the room with you.
Speak up for people who can't speak for themselves.
If you have to talk about others, make sure your intent is clear and justified.
Kill gossip immediately.
Don't:
Let people down / betray people.
Having two faces: it looks like you're giving credit to other people when they're there, but when they're not, you downplay their role and take the credit yourself.
Talking nicely to people in front of them but saying bad things about them behind their backs.
Gossiping. Share private information about other people.
Say:
I'd like to thank [[name]] for this achievement.
You did a great job. I'll make sure that [[name]] knows about it.
Thank you so much for your great help.
When this person is here, we should talk about this.
I'd rather talk to her face-to-face than talk about her.
How should we talk to this person about what's going on?
What is in this person's best interest?
It sounds like you need to talk straight to [[name]].
2. You Must Show Respect.
Do:
Really cared about other people.
Show you care.
Give everyone (regardless of their position) the respect they deserve.
Show respect to everyone, including those who can't help you.
Do small acts of kindness.
Don't:
Not care about other people or show any respect for them.
Fake caring: acting like you care when you don't.
Respecting or caring about some people (those who can help you) but not others (those who can't).
Try to be efficient when talking with other people.
Say:
I admire and respect you.
I'm glad we get to work together.
Thanks for everything you do.
You're awesome at...
One thing I like about you is...
What do you think?
How do you feel?
Tell us what you think.
You have a different view of things. I need to hear you out.
I respect your position/authority/ strong opinion on this.
3. You Must Face Reality.
Do:
Face problems squarely, including taboo ones.
Recognize the unspoken.
Deal with challenging issues head-on.
Address problems before they become more serious.
Take the initiative in discussions.
Confront the situation, not the person.
Don't:
Sidestep the actual problem.
Bury your head firmly in the sand.
Act as though reality doesn't exist or ignore it.
Act with denial.
Making an effort to face reality while really avoiding it.
Paying more attention to minor problems than to important ones.
Say:
Let's be realistic.
What should be said but not?
I don't think we're talking about what we should, which is...
What are the biggest opportunities/problems/challenges we face?
What is the truth of the matter?
What will happen if we ignore these problems?
We are adults. We can get through this.
Tell me the truth.
What are the taboos here?
When you do this, it makes me feel...
If you do this, it will have the following effect on the team/organization/stakeholders…
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