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Q: What should I do if people refuse to discuss critical issues?
A: There are four things you should do, i.e.,
1. You Must Show Respect.
Do:
Really cared about other people.
Show you care.
Give everyone (regardless of their position) the respect they deserve.
Show respect to everyone, including those who can't help you.
Do small acts of kindness.
Don't:
Not care about other people or show any respect for them.
Fake caring: acting like you care when you don't.
Respecting or caring about some people (those who can help you) but not others (those who can't).
Try to be efficient when talking with other people.
Say:
I admire and respect you.
I'm glad we get to work together.
Thanks for everything you do.
You're awesome at...
One thing I like about you is...
What do you think?
How do you feel?
Tell us what you think.
You have a different view of things. I need to hear you out.
I respect your position/authority/ strong opinion on this.
2. You Must Promote Openness.
Do:
Be truthful in a manner that others can confirm for themselves.
State your intention.
Be sincere and honest.
Be honest and upfront.
Over-disclose everything if possible.
Be honest when you can't be transparent (for example, when the law or ethical standards forbid it).
Work under the guiding principle "what you see is what you get."
Don't:
Withhold knowledge, conceal it, cover it up, or obscure it.
Possessing hidden motives, secret intentions, or hidden goals.
Impersonating others and making things seem different from how they really are.
Pretending.
Appearing, as opposed to being.
Say:
My goal is...
My plan is...
I'm going to be honest and open about this.
This is who we are as a team...
What I want to happen is...
Here are the truths...
Here are the facts...
In case you disagree with me...
This is all I can say because of law and compliance issues...
Right now, things aren't going well.
3. You Must Be Honest and Straight.
Do:
Be truthful. Tell the reality.
Be clear about your position.
Talk in plain words. Call things as they are.
Display integrity.
Don't:
Lie. Deceive.
Alter the truth. Withholding details. Influence people.
Use business jargon, avoidance tactics, double-talk, and flattery.
Twisting the truth (manipulating, positioning, and posing).
Create false impressions (by stating the facts, but in a misleading way).
Say:
This is how I see things...
This is something I really care about...
Here's what I think we should do...
As far as I can tell, these are the facts...
From my point of view...
I value our relationship and want to be honest with you...
I want to be candid with you...
Let me tell you what I've observed...
Here's what I've learned/understood...
4. You Must Face Reality.
Do:
Face problems squarely, including taboo ones.
Recognize the unspoken.
Deal with challenging issues head-on.
Address problems before they become more serious.
Take the initiative in discussions.
Confront the situation, not the person.
Don't:
Sidestep the actual problem.
Bury your head firmly in the sand.
Act as though reality doesn't exist or ignore it.
Act with denial.
Making an effort to face reality while really avoiding it.
Paying more attention to minor problems than to important ones.
Say:
Let's be realistic.
What should be said but not?
I don't think we're talking about what we should, which is...
What are the biggest opportunities/problems/challenges we face?
What is the truth of the matter?
What will happen if we ignore these problems?
We are adults. We can get through this.
Tell me the truth.
What are the taboos here?
When you do this, it makes me feel...
If you do this, it will have the following effect on the team/organization/stakeholders…
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